Written on 11/28/2024

I have felt it to be true my whole life, but have not yet articulated the feeling explicitly. My internal sense of timing and rhythm is not as good as I would like to admit. I don’t think I could ever compose (good) music. Although, I’ve never tried.

The feather that broke the camel’s back causing a write up of this internal reflection is in playing the video game Celeste. I have thoroughly enjoyed the game, and am still enjoying the game at time of writing. I have only completed the main story and a couple of the B sides, and so far I noticed that I would find myself struggling more than normal on screens such as ones with Mr. Oshiro’s dust bunnies and the well Cassette Blocks, or perhaps better named Rhythm Blocks. Luckily the rhythm is a simple two beats, but I suppose finding them particularly difficult for me has reminded me of my insecurity in lack of rhythm.

In trying to recall my past experiences in rhythm that are worth mentioning, I recall not enjoying playing the piano, not being that great in musical things such as band and choir opportunities that are common in American public education. I can’t sing along to any song for its complete entirety, unless I’ve dedicated myself to memorizing the lyrics for the sake of memorizing the lyrics, which I’ve only done for choir. I just enjoy the way the songs I like to listen to sound. I can sing along in snippets, but not the entire song — perhaps I just don’t care for the lyrics like that. I just like the way it sounds! I enjoyed playing Beat Saber for a while, even though it is a “rhythm” game. You play the game by trying to accurately slice notes with enough swing before and after hitting the blocks “in time with the music”. I believe the reason why I did not experience the same sense of struggle is because just like listening to music, you are kind of guided down this linear path without actually needing to keep track of the rhythm for yourself. You don’t even need the music to play beat saber, because you can just use your eyes to visually calculate the timings of when to swing. I think that’s how I avoided needing to actually keep a sense of internal rhythm of the song, I just listened to songs I liked, and used my eyes to time things. And when I received positive, physical feedback from controller vibration that appeared to be in sync with something in the music, I simply recognized that that was by design. I think a lack in rhythm would also suggest my music choices lacking in genres such as hiphop and rap especially, which I feel like have more complex lyrical constructions than what I usually listen to.

Of course, there are things that I do enjoy that have some sort of rhythm to them, they just have to not be the primary thing of conscious focus.

Lacking an aptitude for rhythm, is quite unfortunate. A lot of life contains rhythms. Every human conversation has some sort of rhythm to it, and I feel like if you wish to be successful in the art of conversations, having a mastery in rhythm is a must. I would enjoy more music if I had better rhythm. At least this doesn’t mean my heart does not beat normally, phew.