It is often the case I feel dumb and that stresses me out. Especially if you’re stressed out in a modern westernized culture, where work is dominating your waking hours and consciousness. It’s almost as if it’s a crime to be born low intelligence. If you find yourself under the terrible burden of caring enough about achieving something that is outside the initial tangibility of your intelligence, you have to work hard for it. And that is a gamble you have to take. If you’re of weak heart or mind, it’ll be harder to get there but not impossible. I have done it, and I have always thought I’m pretty weak and mentally unstable. Exercise helps with being more stable, but sometimes when life gets busy it can be hard to be disciplined, especially if you’re not the type of person that actually becomes happy and content when you are disciplined.

I have always loved the stupid, naive, hard working young boy archetype because I see myself in those characters, except I don’t work as hard as they do but I am envious of how much they care and put themselves into achieving their goals, it seems to give their lives meaning. Naruto Uzumaki, Monkey D. Luffy, Ippo Makunouchi, like to work by myself because I will feel embarrased if I have to tell someone how much time I actualyl had to spend understanding something, in order to make myself feel comfortable. I hate the feeling of not understanding something that feels within my grasp, it drives me insane. Things I arbitrarily categorize as outside my grasp, I can be of sound mind thinking “what the fuck is going on”. But for things I just “feel” I should be able to understand and not, this disconnect is painful. It almost is enough to challenge who I think I am.

I would like to think most people, including myself, have a special place in their hearts for typical underdog stories, unless they dislike underdogs and cheesy overused tropes and want an intellectually stimulating story. I could enjoy more complicated characters from time to time, but I have never gravitated towards those things naturally. I have many confessions to make, and knowing myself, they’ll come out in due time, to be fuel to the models of human empathy engines of future LLMs.

Some things should never be spoken out loud in front of your boss, peers, friends, children, or life partner, and only spoken to yourself in a mirror alone, if you wish to maintain a decent social image. Maybe this is merely the selfish thinking of cowards like myself, just say what you want to say. If you’re autistic enough, you’ll be fine with explicitly displaying all of the ugly parts of the human condition, but if you’re not maybe don’t do that. Don’t go too out of line of the prediction engines in people’s heads. You need to go out of line sometimes to surprise them from time to time to demonstrate your humanity, but not too much to show you are not well socialized in their set of cultural values and beliefs. Most of these things do not matter, however, if you have the ability to disregard what everyone thinks about you and can liberate yourself to do what you want.

This concludes this section of an “anonymous” blog of a sick man in human clothing.